I wish I could see your face right now.
The funny thing is I vaguely remember you.
No offence, but I tried very hard to forget all about you.
I hated that part of us.
You were just stumbling around in life, naive to the world and not caring.
You had no sense of direction. But, that is a part of growing up.
You grow through what you go through.
There are a few things that I want for you to know.
1.) You made it. You already beat the odds. You graduated high school; you went to college, demolished all of the goals that you set for yourself and then some. All of your reading and seeking knowledge transferred over into the classroom, you graduated with honors, baby girl. You made something of yourself. You were by no means a statistic or a product of your environment. You even started your Masters program. You became the woman that you aspired to be and the best part is that you are nowhere near done.
2.) That boy you were worried about? There were plenty more. He wasn’t it. Boys still act just as clueless as they did back then. In fact, it seems that they have gotten worst. They stop trying. They stop showing interest the second something better comes along. You still outshine them all, mama. He wasn’t the first boy to make your stomach do backflips and he will not be the last.
3.) You are successful. This blog is a success because you never stopped. You never stopped writing ideas down, stories. Often time’s people never accomplish their goals and dreams because they stop trying. I am thankful to you for your dedication.
4.) You are the woman you are today because of what you went through then. You tried so hard to fit in, and I understand that now, but I am grateful for your rebellious nature that did not listen, that knew it was meant to stand out, and it did. You became more beautiful, both inside and out. You became stronger, because through all of the bullying, all of the manipulation, you learned to lean on yourself and on your writing. It made me who I am today. The many nights you spent filling out the pages of notebooks are what paved the way for me to sit here and write these words today. You never gave up; you love just as harder now as you did then. People thought you were weird. However, your “weirdness”, was in fact brilliance. It was you choosing not to think like everyone else and so, because they did not understand the depth of your mind, they chose to call you names. You chose to advance your mind whilst they stayed stagnant. You moved on, you got out of that black hole of a hometown. You are living your best life while they still seem to be doing the same thing over and over again.
5.) All of the alone time, believe it or not, made you stronger. Your solitude was what you needed in order to blossom into the woman you are today. People picked at you, but that was just because they didn’t understand that a queen has to rearrange and reposition herself, no matter how uncomfortable or uncommon in order to be powerful.
6.) I forgive you. I forgive you for everything that you felt you had to do then to feel loved, accepted and appreciated. You learned from your lessons then and you are still learning lessons now. That is one of the most beautiful things about your story, queen. It is still being written. I will tell you that we are still working on not beating ourselves up for making mistakes.
7.) You became a socialite. Can you believe it? The girl who only wanted to go home from school, get in bed with her matching Pajama set and curl underneath her covers with a good book is now a socialite. I love meeting new people. I have met so many amazing people-thanks to the help of social media and networking. Something about the energy you give off makes people gravitate towards you like a moth to a flame. No more Miss shy girl. I am proud of you for stepping out of your comfort zone.
8.) You are loved. More than you know. People have not always been kind to you. They have not always said the nicest things to you, but I think you know that deep down there are people that truly love and support you and are rooting for you every step of the way. Sometimes I wish I could go back in time and put all of the love you felt around you into a glass jar. But, it would not hold a candle to the love you feel now. You found the most important love of them all. The love of oneself. You are my hero. You are my hero because you accepted your flaws and you did not let anyone make you feel less than, no matter how hard they tried. You still ache for a love that is all yours. You still long for that handsome man to sweep you off your feet. That has not changed, my love. But, one thing I know deep down in my bones is that he is coming. You felt it then and you feel it now. He feels that he is close to us and he is doing everything humanely possible to get here. It may not have seemed like it then and it may not seem like it now, but he has belonged to you and you to him since before we were created. He has always been yours and, remember, baby girl, what is for you will always be for you. No one can take that away from you.
9.) Trust the process. I know how precise you like to be in your planning. I love how you love to have everything figured out down to the last “.” in a sentence. But, sometimes in life, plans do not work out the way we want them to. You have done a stellar job thus far. I want you to know that. You may not be where you want to be but you are the happiest I have seen you in a long time. You are just on a detour through life at the moment. You are taking in the scenery and stopping to smell the roses. You are right where you are supposed to be, make no mistake about it, pretty girl.
10.) You kept doing what you love. Thank you. Your passions are what have kept you hungry and they are what fuel you. Because of your determination, because of your powerful mind, your dreams wake you up at 5AM demanding that they be worked on. Even now, it is 4 AM and I am at work, I could be sleep but I am choosing to write this because it needed to get done. That passion, that fire, you let it feed you. I am so grateful for that, because that drive is what led us here. You are the star, and I am nothing without you.
Every tear, every rude comment, every time you felt the walls closing down, you never gave up, you kept pushing, no matter how bad it hurt. You won. I am the lucky one.
Lastly, in all of this, I want you to remember who kept you rooted, he needs no introduction but he is who deserves all of the honor, the glory, and the praise.
Without him, we are nothing.
Without him, all that we are is not possible. He’s our EVERYTHING .
I loved you then and I love you still.